·Your chosen brief is appropriate – a film
opening. It’s not entirely clear if this is a movie or a TV drama… I would
clarify this and then build it into your planning (e.g. if it’s for BBC3 then
you’d want that branding somewhere in the opening sequence). It obviously fits
your critical investigation very well but I’m not sure if the extract you’ve
chosen to make is achievable – a death scene is notoriously difficult to do
convincingly.
·The other challenge will be technical – things
like framing shots and recording professional-quality audio will be defining
factors for this project. It was notable these were areas that the preliminary
exercise highlighted so we must make sure we learn from that. Casting is also
very important too (you won’t be able to get away with Sukhdev with a cushion
up his jumper for the real production!)
·Your planning on your blog is mixed – there’s
clearly some research and I like the way you’ve picked out certain scenes from
each text. However, I’m not sure you’re being realistic in terms of what you
can create yourself or indeed that you have a fully developed idea (your
thoughts seem to jump around a bit).
·Your schedule looks good – but obviously you’re
not really on track to meet it! It’s good you’ve built in time and we have days
over the Easter holiday available too if you need to re-shoot or re-edit
anything (this is likely).
·There are elements in the script I really like –
you’ve got a nice balance between the character on the phone and the father
figure. You need to be careful this doesn’t just end up a recreation of
Murdered By My Father because it will look very obvious considering your
critical investigation. There are notable typos and errors in written English
in the script – this doesn’t need to be submitted to AQA but it’s another
reminder this is an area we have to pay more attention to. In addition, the
script seems pretty short: be careful the overall production isn’t too short –
anything under three minutes will be difficult to reward at the higher levels.
·Along similar lines, your shot list looks
incredibly short for three minutes of film – 20 shots for 180 seconds of video?
I would strongly advise expanding this considerably before your main shoots.
·Post these tutorial notes to your MEST4
coursework blog as a new blogpost.
·The rough cut deadline is Wednesday 22 March –
make sure you are on track to meet this deadline.
·After pasting these notes in your blogpost,
write a numbered list of THREE things you will do in the next seven days in
order to move your Linked Production project to the next level.
In some ways this is an improvement on the first
draft but there’s still a lot to work on – I don’t think this could move higher
than the top of level 2 which is 24/48 (a D grade). It’s extremely frustrating
that some of the issues highlighted in your first draft feedback have not been
addressed.
Written English is still NOWHERE near the
standard required for A2 – so many clumsy sentences that don’t make sense. Look
at the first page alone – so many errors in punctuation and grammar. At A2
level this is unacceptable. Either you are not proofreading or you seriously
need to work on the quality of your proofreading – either way, it doesn’t
reflect well on you.
Research is better but there’s still a lack of
strong academic quotes – out of 36 footnotes only 7 have a page number which
suggests there’s a distinct lack of high quality academic sources.
Linked to research, you interpret some of these
quotes and theories in completely the wrong way – when Dyer writes about power
he is talking about the Media, not individuals or families.
I think it’s clear you need to simplify the
argument you are trying to make and then stick to it ruthlessly. I advise: what
effect do these texts have on white British audiences? What effect do these
texts have on British Asian audiences? You then need to make sure every
paragraph fits into this basic approach.
To help with the above you can add Gerbner’s
cultivation theory – ideal for the impact TV has on people over time.
There are whole sections you can take out – they
are adding nothing to the essay. Look over the draft for more on this.
The conclusion needs work – it just doesn’t make
sense. Re-write this once the whole essay focuses ruthlessly on representations
of Asians in TV and film and the effect these representations have one white
British audiences and Asian audiences.
Your bibliography is still not in the correct
format – did you do this through Microsoft Word? I think you can improve this –
a very good bibliography could be the factor pushing you into the higher
levels.
1) WWW - There is some potential here ... it's a great question, the tests are appropriate and you have some good research in places. However, other aspects need a lot of work to move this into the higher grade. EBI - Written English is poor. Your quotes don't make sense - which means you lose your argument. Look at my comments on the first page. - You are not using quotes correctly. Your quotes on power need to be applied to the media - not the characters. You need much more media theory in general - why not add post-colonial theories such as Edward Said - Orientalism? - Your examples are generally description rather than analysis. Where is your textual analysis with media terminology? You need to analyse key scenes using film language - surely camerawork, mise-en-scene etc is crucial here? - Not enough on audience effects ... what impact do these representations have on audiences? Asian audiences? White audiences? Bring in contemporary events - e.g. Brexit etc. 2) In my second draft, I am aiming for at least an extra 9 marks which will get me onto at least 30 marks out of 48. 3)
Make my introduction more clearer in terms of my 'written English'. Also, make sure that I am more specific (Am I talking from a negative or positive point of view).
Improve my conclusion. State whether it made a positive or negative impact
BFI Library for more quotes
Look up for Edward Said quotes - reference it to 9/11
Delete the sentences where I described the actual movie (or minimize to 1 sentence.)
1) My linked production will be based around a teenage Indian girl. She is a typical teenage girl who has been bought up in England but has these traditional Indian parents who want to bring her up how they had been bought up in India. Her parents believe that she is this innocent, traditional girl who doesn't do anything 'westernised', but that's not how her friends see her. I will be creating the opening of a short drama film where the teenage girl has been harassed by her parents because they found out that she was doing something which would completely embarrass her family and ruin their reputation. It will firstly start off with the ending (teasing the audience) and then start from the beginning, e.g. "3 weeks later". I already feel very confident with this because I have already planned the costumes and the characters which I am going to use for this production. 2) Murdered by my Father
Opening sequence idea - started off with the ending then moved to how it all began.
Main protagonist - Teenage Indian Girl
Need a older male character to play the parent?
Location shooting - estates or a rough area to make the atmosphere and the feel of it dull and frightening (possibly?)
Scene from the movie When the main protagonist kissed another man on the cheek at her own engagement party to another man. And that man saw it happening...
Bend it like Beckham
The fact that the main protagonist is playing football
Football shouldn't be played by an Indian girl
This is how the argument can potentially start in the movie? If the main protagonist is playing football behind her parents backs and they eventually find out, this could be the reason why they start to torture her.
East is East
Main protagonist is going out with some who is of another race? In this movie,the Pakistani man married a white lady.
Old fashioned setting
Give a 1970's theme - (Mise en scene - the characters dress code etc).
3) My aim on when I would like to shoot this by is in the February Half term. This allows me to get every detailed shot done and if there is something which I believe isn't right and doesn't count towards a 'professional standard', then this will give me a lot of time to go back and do some more shooting. In addition, the editing process will still be the same, in terms of which as I am shooting the production and believe I have got enough clips, I will start to edit them and if that it's good enough, it will still give me a lot of time to improve on. Down below is the schedule of what I will be doing during the process of the production:
4) SCRIPT
1. INT. KITCHEN
SANDY
(Screaming)
Aaah! Please … I'm sorry!!!
SANDY SCREAMING AS SHE IS BEING BRUTALLY BEATEN UP BY HER FATHER. STRUGGLING TO FIND A WAY
OUT OF THE BEATING BY THERE IS NO
ESCAPE.
HASSAN
(Grinding his teeth)
GOODBYE Sandy!!!
HASSAN GRABS THE
METAL POLE FROM THE FLOOR AND USES IT
AS A WEAPON TO HIT SANDY IN THE HEAD WITH IT. ONCE
SHE STOPPED BREATHING, HASSAN GETS UP AND WALKS AWAY WITH NO REGRETS.
DURING THE DEATH SCENE, AFTER HASSAN SAID HIS
LAST WORDS, VOICEOVER SHOULD BE PLAYED HERE WITH LOCATION SHOOTING.
SANDY
Dear dad, I have wanted to
say this for a while now. Lately, you have been acting strange and I just
wanted to make sure if everything was okay. I know that we have had our up’s
and down’s but I just wanted to say sorry for all the stress I put you through.
I love you…
2. EXT. HALLWAY OF
THE HOUSE
HASSAN DRIVES HOME AFTER WORK
AND LOOKS STRESSED.
(Hassan grabs his keys and opens the door)
HASSAN
Hello everyone. I'm home!
SANDY
(COMING DOWN THE STAIRS WHILE TEXTING)
Hey Dad. How was work?
HASSAN
(SHAKES HIS HEAD)
Not good. My manager gave me so much work which
is most likely going to take the whole week.
Pause.
HASSAN THEN LOOKS
AT HER DAUGHTER IN A STRANGE WAY BECAUSE
SHE SEEMED TO BE REALLY HAPPY.
HASSAN (CONT'D)
What’s up with you today?
SANDY
Huh? Nothing … Why?
HASSAN
No … No… Just wondering
3. INT BEDROOM
SANDY THEN GOES
BACK UPSTAIRS AND INTO HER ROOM AND CLOSES
THE BEDROOM DOOR.
SANDY
(STARTS TO RING SOMEONE)
Hey, sorry. My dad came from work and
just went downstairs to say hi…
SANDY STARTS TO
LAUGH.
SANDY
So when should we meet up?
(Starts to think)
Tomorrow? Can't do tomorrow. My dad's going
to be at home all day and he wouldn't
let me out…
3a. DINNER
SANDY’S MUM IS MAKING DINNER AND IS ABOUT TO BE
SERVED.
MUM
Sandy, dinner is ready…
SANDY
Kay, one sec…
(ON THE PHONE)
SANDY (CONT’D)
Okay got to go now. Speak to
you later, Bye.
PHONE VIBRATES
A MESSAGE APPEARS ON SANDY’S PHONE. “YOU CAN’T KEEP DOING THIS. I WANT TO SEE
YOU”. SANDY PUTS HER PHONE ON SILENT.
HASSAN
Sandy, its family time. Put the
phone away.
SANDY
Sorry…
HASSAN
(While eating…)
So how was school?
5)
5 seconds
Shot No./Type of Shot/Camera
Movement
-Shot 13/14
-Medium Close Up
Dialogue – Sound
Main protagonist (male) looking exhausted, as he is opening the door
(coming back from work).
25 seconds
Shot No./Type of Shot/Camera
Movement
-Shot 15
-Shot/Reverse Shot
Dialogue – Sound
The two main protagonists are talking to each other after he had entered
the house.
Shot No./Type of Shot/Camera Movement
Dialogue - Sound
Shot No./Type of Shot/Camera Movement
Dialogue - Sound
Shot No./Type of Shot/Camera Movement
Dialogue - Sound
6)
7)
Teenage Indian Girl (Main Protagonist)
Older Indian Male: potentially someone who can play a role as an older brother (acting like a father figure).
Turban?
Rough clothes
Indian Saree (maybe?)
Hockey Stick / Metal Rod (Weapon for threatening the main protagonist)
1) Why did you choose this particular recreation and how does it link to your main production? I chose this part of the recreation because of the level of difficulty. Even though I believed that it was quite simple to do, there was a lot of background music and camerawork that was needed in it. For example, the cinematography used in this was shot/reverse shot and since I had never done any sort of editing from last year, I believed that this was a great starting point for me and can therefore progress from this. The reason why I chose this particular scene and how it will link to main production is because of the two characters. In the movie, the football coach would persuade the father to let her daughter to pursue her dream of becoming a footballer but since the main protagonist had traditional Indian parents, they were against their daughter playing sports and this is linked to my main production because it will be based on a teenager girl always being controlled by her parents. 2) What difficulties did you face in producing this recreation?
The difficulties that I had faced during producing this recreation are the following:
Lighting - In the actual film, the two characters faces were really bright and the audience would be able to see them very clearly. However, in my piece, it was hard for me not to get the shadows of the characters faces and therefore, the whole piece looked very dark when it shouldn't have.
Sound - Because of the fact it was outside and the roads were very noisy, it was always hard to get the right tone from the character compared to the last shot. On some occasions of my recreational piece, the character would have a low tone on one shot but a higher sound on the other.
Characters - Since in the actual film, it required a older male with a beard, it was very hard to find one in such a short amount of time so therefore, I had to use anyone that was willing to dress up in that character.
3) What are the strengths of the production? Personally, I believe that the strengths of the production was the mise-en-scene. In particular, the costumes. Since the costumes were very basic, it was really easy for me to get the accurate costumes for the characters and therefore, this is why I believe that this was a strength as the audience could then get the feeling that I was trying to recreate a particular scene from the movie. 4) What aspects would you look to improve? The main aspects that I would like to improve on would be the following:
Lighting - making the characters more visible by the audience and make sure that there wasn't any shadows on the characters
Sound - make sure all the sound on every single shot is level and balanced out (all of the shots have the same tone by the character). Also, next time I would try to clear out all of the background music, e.g. from the characters and the wind.
5) What lessons will you take from this process that will help you with your main production? The main thing which I have learnt from this process is where to do the shooting. I believe that unless if it is necessary to do so, I will seriously consider avoid shooting for my main production outside. Considering it will be in the winder/autumn time which I will be shooting the production, outside will be very windy and really hard to record the footage without having the background sound problem. So, I will therefore try not to record outside. 6) Now that you are ready to start your actual linked production, explain clearly what you will be creating and how confident you are in delivering this. My linked production will be based around a teenage Indian girl. She is a typical teenage girl who has been bought up in England but has these traditional Indian parents who want to bring her up how they had been bought up in India. Her parents believe that she is this innocent, traditional girl who doesn't do anything 'westernized', but that's not how her friends see her. I will be creating the opening of a short drama film where the teenage girl has been harassed by her parents because they found out that she was doing something which would completely embarrass her family and ruin their reputation. It will firstly start off with the ending (teasing the audience) and then start from the beginning, e.g. "3 weeks later". I already feel very confident with this because I have already planned the costumes and the characters which I am going to use for this production.
Name of the text you plan to recreate: Bend it like Beckham Scene/section you will recreate: The scene where Jess (the main character) was in her garden, hanging up Indian clothes to dry and saw the football on the side of the garden. She walked past it and then picked it up and kicked it. In the scene there was background music. (1:15:38 - 1:16:08) Location you will use for your recreation: Any garden that has a side shed and a washing line.
Actors you will require for your recreation: An Asian girl who will be recreating the main character of the movie (Jess). Props/costumes you will require for your recreation:
Adidas tracksuit bottoms
Black t-shirt/Black Jacket
Equipment you plan to use:
A camera
Monopod
A good microphone
Software for me to put the different shots together.
